Community

As I started this post in the midst of fighting my Sunday night blues, I was struck with my gratitude for community. We have small group on Sunday nights and being with those dear people, communing and connecting, always eases the transition from the weekend into the work week.

Life is not meant to be lived in solitude - even for those of us who can tend towards introversion. Yet when I push myself beyond my tendencies towards isolation, I am constantly amazed by how greatly encouraged I am by the insights, honesty, struggles and joys of my brothers and sisters.Hearing others share their hearts, emboldens mine. Hearing their struggles, reminds me that we are not alone. Hearing their successes, I cannot help but celebrate with them. Their strength lends me strength when I need it. Their joy becomes my joy. Their wisdom challenges my thinking. Their perspectives provide me a new point of view. And when my faith is weak, I borrow theirs.

We were meant to live as one body with many parts. And I am ever so grateful for the gifting of others into my life.

Intentionality in the physicality

Intentional. That seems to be our theme word of 2012.. Learning to be more intentional about life, to celebrate the moment and live in the present. As I've talked about before, for me, this means ceasing to live in the past of regret or in the plans of tomorrow, but by doing what I can today.

This take a change in mindset, but also a change in our realities as well. So far this year, our family managed to take steps that direction by initiating a bi-weekly date night and being more conscientious about planning and scheduling, rather than our norm of long-term dreaming and just letting our day-to-day happen to us. Just in the last week, we seized our opportunities to carve out time to enjoy one another and create little adventures not just once, but twice! (But more on that later).

The next step for me is to challenge myself to "seize the day" physically as well. I want to be healthier, to be more fit, to be comfortable in my skin and confident my body can do whatever I need or want it to, on any occasion. I want to be an example to my daughter of health, fitness and of the way I see and relate to my body. That starts now. Not tomorrow, or next week. And my first step that direction is to challenge myself to do the 30 Day Shred (Jillian Michaels).

While I tend to stay somewhat active through running or other various exercises, routine and consistency are tremendously elusive. Running is the only form of exercise I've ever really managed to do with much regularity, but that proves quite difficult in the winter with shorter daylight hours and often wet weather (for some reason Jennie opposes being strapped down to a stroller and having dirty rainwater sprayed in her face). But with a 20 minute strength and cardio routine all rolled into one, I can't really create any excuses not to do it - so 30 Day Shred it is. 

I actually started on Friday and managed to stick with it Saturday as well, but as I've decided to take Sundays off, I almost feel like I've already quit before I've begun. But tomorrow is Monday and it'll be back to it then. With an intense work schedule as I begin my new job this week, it'll be an exceptional challenge to begin an exercise routine, but I'm determined to stick with it with the hopes that in 28 days I'll feel stronger and more toned and will have established a habit of daily exercise. We'll see how this goes! Anyone want to take the challenge with me?

Change

To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)

There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)

And a time to every purpose, under Heaven

A time to be born, a time to die

A time to plant, a time to reap

A time to kill, a time to heal

A time to laugh, a time to weep

-The Byrds

To everything, there is a season - and it seems this season is one of change.


Gradually, over the last couple of weeks, it seems the weather is finally changing. Less clouds, less rain, less fog, and more glorious sunshine. It's a change I'm intensely grateful for. As the sun has come out, I'm realizing that I've also been coming out from under a dark cloud that I didn't even fully realize was there. But as the sunshine and blue skies have emerged, I've realized I'm finally feeling human again, finally feeling like myself again after months of winter blahs. Able to live, able to hope, able to enjoy. It's a good feeling. Who knew the sunshine could do so much?


I'm transitioning out of one job and into another. A good change. A needed change. One that will bring me closer to my goals and the future I feel called to. That's the big picture. 
The small one is full of messy juggling of schedules, obligations, details and feelings of guilt and anxiety as I'm tugged in many directions at once. 


My sweet husband is about to finish school and wrap up his months of online night classes (YAY!!). This has been a colossal challenge for him (and our family) and I couldn't be more proud of his commitment and effort...or more excited that it's about to conclude. 
In addition to that, he's transitioning into a new phase of work with not just one of his two jobs, but both. Major changes. More juggling of schedules, obligations and details.


My precious little girl is growing up (literally - 4 inches in 3 months!). She's in a funky in-between stage as she transitions from napping twice a day to only napping once a day. Schedules are off and it's throwing us all for a bit of a loop. 
Sleep is a big deal. Who knew?
And due to my work transition, we're moving towards weaning her from nap-time nursing. (Not the most fun I've ever had). 
Her will and opinions only grow stronger by the day and I wrestle with how to discipline a 13 month old (any brilliant suggestions?), how to reach her heart, how to guide her towards Christ? Changes.



And quite fittingly, even our home is undergoing transition as we remove it's rags and re-dress it in some much needed new siding. A welcome change indeed.

Helping Daddy work on the house

Change is hard. Even if it is change towards something better, it's hard to adjust, adapt, be flexible and let go of the ever present illusion of control that we so desperately cling to. Change shakes things up, switches up the routine, moves us out of our comfort zone and shows us just how tightly we hold on to our image of how things should go and how much we want to control them. It forces us to recognize our lives, our times are masterfully managed not by dedicated use of day planners, constant access to email and intentional planning conversations, but by our God, our Father, who is the same, yesterday, today and tomorrow. It is a great comfort, indeed, to be grounded to the eternal Solid Rock who never changes. 

 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Cor. 4. 16-18

A Sunny Saturday

It's been a while. And to be honest, while the project behind this blog was to learn to celebrate the magic and the mundane moments in life, recently I haven't felt much like celebrating the mundane. And that's what our days have largely consisted of lately. This past Saturday, however, was one of those sweet days...

My sweet man was off work, which meant that the three of us were able to spend the whole day together. Not only that, but we were having a rare bit of sunshine. Deciding to take advantage of it, we took the little girl to the park for her *first time.  It was chilly and windy, but it was good to get outside in the fresh air and get a bit of sunshine!


*I did take her once before, but she was tiny and slept in a sling while I talked to the other mama's, so clearly it doesn't count. Poor deprived girl.

Yes - she is that brilliant! Writing her own name, upside down, at 13 mo. old. It's my genes. :)

That evening, Drew and I embarked on our second bi-weekly date night! Our plans to try out a local place for some pizza and brews were derailed when we drove by and saw the restaurant completely empty.  On a Saturday night. Not encouraging. 


We decided to forgo those plans for something a little more popular and safe...We drove around busy downtown until we finally chose a restaurant slightly off the beaten path, but still a popular joint. In fact, it was the place we sort of* had our first date.

 *Truth is, we were actually in that pre-dating-but-really-dating-and-pretending-the-mutual-attraction-and-flirting-weren't-really-a-relationship phase...silly, silly us!

It was casual, relaxed, and just what we were in need of.

It's becoming more and more evident to me that these date-nights are really critical for us. Maybe it's having a child, or the busyness of 3.5 jobs (between the two of us) + school (him) or just the fact that we've been married a few years now, but taking the time out to be intentional about connecting has quickly become something I cherish, crave and look forward to in between. I think this might be a resolution that will stick around. 

Date Night

Drew and I finally had the opportunity to go out on a child-less date on Friday night. We haven't had the time to do many of those lately and it was high time we made some space to be alone together. With his busy schedule of work and school and attempting to balance my schedule of work and motherhood, the reality is that we are more often simply living life together - tag-teaming throughout the week, with little time to connect as a couple.

I've been keeping my eye out for Groupon, Restaurant.com or Living Social deals and have begun to acquire a few coupons for date nights. Not only does it give us a discount, which hey - I kinda love, but it encourages us to try different restaurants when we do make it out! Friday, it was Terra Nostra - a wine and tapas place downtown. 

It has a fun and energetic vibe and was filled with couples, but it was still quiet enough to be able to relax and converse. We took our time and lingered over cocktails, shared an assortment of five different tapas plates, and finally coffee and dessert. The food was incredible! Beef cheeks, salmon, shrimp, and a surprisingly delicious pear and walnut quesadilla (who knew?!?). 

Knowing Jennie was at home, fast asleep and that we had the entire evening at our disposal, we were finally able to unplug from work and parenthood, from responsibilities and all the demands that pull at us through the week and simply enjoy being together. The food was superb, the drinks delectable, but the conversation and time to connect? Simply sublime. 

It was a reminder to both of us why we need to do date night more often. To remember the joy of driving around holding hands, trying new things together, savoring each moment and creating memories. Friday night, I got to know my husband a little bit better, I remembered all the reasons why I adore him and I fell a little bit deeper in love. 

New goal? We decided to aim for a date-night out every other week. We'll see how this goes!

It was a delightful and refreshing evening and left us both a little more ready to move forward, tackling life together.

(Sorry about the poor pictures - I forgot my camera and had to resort to shooting these with Drew's phone. Not the most flattering, but you get the idea.) 

Those Sweet Moments

Yesterday was a bit of a drag. It was my day off, but my dear husband was on shift, so it was just the little one and I at home. It was exceedingly dreary - overcast, rainy and cold all day long, squelching my dreams of taking the girl for a jog. You could say my parade was rained on. We only had one brief moment of sunshine and man, was it glorious! I basked in it through the window like a lizard, soaking in it's light and warmth desperately. It soon passed and the rain returned. But it was a sweet moment.

The day was one of what I would consider my unsuccessful ones. The ones where I combat my doldrums, laziness and seeming inability to accomplish anything of substance and also fail to be intentional, create memories or do something fun with my daughter. Either productivity or intentionality would be better than the guilt-inducing, paralyzing blah-ness that seems to take over my life on a lot of my days. In the past, I would have let the regret of yesterday weigh over me and taken it's dreariness with me into my tomorrows, but I really don't want that to be my continual pattern. The truth is that every day, whether we use it well or fall short, is the day that the Lord has made and we should rejoice in it!

So, in keeping with my recent goal (or resolution, shall we say? :)) to celebrate the magic and the mundane and to live in the present, instead of focusing on what did not get done or how I failed, I want to think about the sweet moments.

Just yesterday...

• The sunbeam through the window.
• Jennie falling asleep on my chest as we lay together.
• Wrestling with my sweet girl and hearing her giggle as I tickled her.
• Watching her laugh as I popped out to startle her from behind the doorways. 
• Having her bring me a book, turn around and back up to sit in my lap and read it to her.
• The sweet kisses she kept leaning in to give me.
• Watching her swing some pretty sweet dance moves, complete with rapidly stomping feet and waving arms. 

And recently...

• Last weekend's party, sipping wine and laughing with women from my church.
• Sitting up together with Drew until 12am as he took a test online, taking joy in being able to support him as he pursues his dream.
• Getting Jennie out of bed this morning all fuzzy headed and smiling after sleeping until 7:30!! (Normal wake up time generally ranges from 4:30-6am).
• The coffee and quiet communing Drew and I were able to have this morning due to said late wake-up!
• A brief car ride (just the two of us) to connect with my Dad who was in town ever-so-briefly.
• A phone call from a friend I rarely speak to going out of their way to check on me and encourage me.
• Correspondence from another friend, providing the vehicle for deeper conversation than we've had in a while.

And soon to come...

• Tomorrow night - a much needed and highly anticipated date night! Perhaps we should take some inspiration from some friends, who to have some of the most fun and creative dates.  I'll let you know how it goes.
• Saturday - meeting up with not one, but two girl friends to catch up!
• Sunday - first time at church in several weeks! I cannot wait for some much needed fellowship and spiritual feeding.

My great-grandmother and my daughter's namesake claimed Psalm 118:24 as her life verse. Perhaps I can learn from her legacy and begin to live the way she did, treasuring each day and the sweet moments they contain.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." Ps. 118:24

Jennie

Last New Year's Eve, I rang in the new year blessedly passed out for a few precious minutes, catching some desperately needed winks between feedings of my then four-day-old daughter. Unfortunately, I was not the picture of maternal peace and bliss you see in hallmark cards. I was a hormonal, exhausted, insomniatic, emotional, stressed mess. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle motherhood. Wasn't sure I was ever going to enjoy the process or enjoy the precious little bundle I held in my arms. I couldn't recognize this little person as the same one who I had so tenderly and joyously carried in my womb for so many months (yes - I am one of those crazy people who LOVES being pregnant). I was scared I was never going to like motherhood, scared she wasn't eating enough, scared to give her a pacifier (terrified of nipple confusion!), scared not to give her the pacifier (oh! the endless crying and nursing!), scared she would stop breathing when she slept, scared it wasn't going to get any easier and scared I was never going to sleep again.

Eventually, three weeks in - to be exact, God met me in my desperation. It was my first night home alone as my husband had returned to work (he works 24 hr. shifts as an EMT) and my mother had returned home to the West. In the middle of the night, as I held my tiny girl and poured out my heart to God, He showed up. Oh, He was there all along, but in that moment, He appeared in a way I could feel and know and see. Suddenly the angst, terror and desperation dissolved in the face of His reassurance that He was there and it was all going to be ok. Peace descended and faith sprung root in my heart and from that moment on it really has been ok. Better than ok, it has been a joy so indescribable and so much more than I ever could have hoped for or imagined. The insomnia did not abate. The showers of vomit did not lessen. The middle of the night awakenings continued to test my morality and sanity, but in the midst of it all, there was joy. And blessing beyond what I ever could have imagined.

Because when she smiles, the sleepless nights no longer matter. When she laughs, I become an addict that would kill, cheat or steal for the next hit of those giggles. When she lays her head on my chest, I cannot imagine how I could love anyone more. And when she snuggles to sleep at my breast, my heart overflows with gratitude, humbled that our Father would bless me so greatly...and I wonder that He should love me the same way I love her.

When we were pregnant, I was told to treasure the moments after she was born because they fly by all too quickly. Our sweet girl is already 1 year old. It's hard to believe she's so grown up. Walking and even running. Jabbering and expressing her opinions quite readily. She totters around, brings us books to read, giving us "loves" and kisses. It has gone way to fast. I knew it would. But what I did not know, was just how incredibly blessed I would be by each day I've spent with this incredible little girl. Thank you Lord for giving us Jennie.

The Birthday Celebration

Helping Daddy make the cupcakes for the party

The Decor...

We did give her a real cupcake - I promise.

She looks pretty pleased with the results.

Happy Birthday Jennie