Goals

I've been waiting all week to have something profound and brilliant come to me so I could write the perfect second blog entry. After starting last week, I suddenly felt a tremendous amount of pressure to be clever, witty and at the same time have great insight. Ridiculous, I know. This tendency towards being kept from action by the looming giant of perfectionism is nothing new to me...and part of what I am actually trying to overcome with my blogging experiment. So many goals...

I've been thinking a lot about goals lately. This week I had a giant list of them and my to-dos written in dry-erase marker on my bathroom mirror. I find great satisfaction in marking things off my lists. In fact, if something wasn't already on the list, I would add it when I'd finished it, just for the joy of seeing an accomplishment up there. Now, let's be honest, they weren't big things. But big things aren't really on my agenda in life right now. Getting the laundry done and keeping food in the house are about my speed. Oh - I have lofty ideals, but I find that the with those ideals comes a tremendous amount of guilt and regret.

Blogging , or porn for women, as my pastor calls it, carries with it the temptation for me to start drowning in a sea of comparisons.
This woman is more clever than I am.
That woman has more fun - she seizes the day!
This one is a better homemaker, that one a better crafter, this one has such a better sense of style.
Her house is so much better than mine.
She's a better mom.
They have a more adventurous marriage.
She's more
    beautiful
        talented
            intelligent
                witty
                    fun
                        organized
                            disciplined...
And the list goes on...and on...

But this week, a friend directed me to the wisdom of another woman. A woman I don't know, but who's reminder to learn to rest and live in grace was exactly what I needed this week.

One version of Psalm 46:10 says:

"Cease striving and know that I am God"

I know that I am not going to stop setting goals for myself. Nor do I think I need to. But I do need to learn contentment and rest. And especially grace.

So as an exercise in grace, I am going to post this now. Imperfect. Unfinished. And exactly how I'm feeling. And as I head out the door to church this morning, my prayer is the God will meet me in the grace I so desperately need.