Hello again!

It's been a while. A long while. And considering my current status of life, it may continue to be a long while between posts, but we shall see...

December 2012

I'm 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our second daughter, or "Baby Sister" as she has affectionately been termed, and write this post with the computer balanced on my burgeoning belly. I'm officially on maternity leave and in full nesting mode around here...or at least as close to full nesting mode as someone like me (one with little-to-no natural homemaking drives or abilities) can get. Jennie is now 2 years old, as of the end of December and is still a complete delight. She's talking up a storm, still completely full of energy, joy, silliness and zeal. She embodies an abundant life. And there is so much I want to learn from her.

My sweet man has successfully completed his Paramedic training and hours and has scheduled to take his final exams in the next couple of weeks to complete his certification as a fully licensed
Paramedic. It's been a huge relief to have him transition from balancing two jobs and full time school down to simply managing two jobs. I am so proud of all the hard work he's put in and so excited for him to finally be able to officially have this accomplished - a goal that has been years in the dreaming and many months in the making.

Right now, life is really good. As Drew and I sat down together at the beginning of the year to discuss the past and look forward to what 2013 might bring, we realized that this year may be the first year in our marriage that we won't be in the middle of major external transitions. Until now, one or both of us has constantly been in school, making a major business venture or a significant career transition, working several jobs, or all of the above simultaneously. Suddenly we find ourselves in a place of seeming stability. As far as we can tell, our careers have stabilized, finances have reached a place of manageability and we find ourselves reaping the results of the building we've been putting in to the last few years. Granted - we cannot predict the future and we are about to make the major life transition of going from a family of 3 to 4, but for us right now it feels like things have finally leveled out. And we are so grateful. God's faithfulness currently shows itself abundantly around us in very tangible ways. Rather than something we have to wait for or trust in, right now - it's physically evident. And that's pretty amazing.

The cynical side of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things can't really be reaching a place of manageability in our lives, right? Surely some crisis is right around the corner. Who is going to get sick? Will something be wrong with the baby? What is going to go wrong with our careers? Is some major financial blow about to fall? Several of our recent sermons have discussed suffering and I cannot help but feel some level of guilt as I look at the life around me and see how blessed we are. Our cup is full. In fact, it runs over. And while most of me is genuinely grateful and resting in the quiet place of recovery, growth and renewal that God has brought us to, there is a small part of me that is hesitant to trust the still waters and is anxiously watching the blue skies to see what clouds might be building on the horizon.

But that side of me is less than it used to be. I am continuing to pray that God would mature my faith beyond that of a distrustful servant to that of a daughter who rests securely in her Father's care. And the truth is, as we finally have some room to breathe, I'm finding my soul is thirsty. I'm finally able to recognize the dryness that has crept into my heart over these last months and years of "enduring" and I'm finding myself suddenly longing to connect with God and others in ways that I haven't for years. The thirst in and of itself is refreshing. I find myself feeling a renewed hope and excitement to see what God will do in this place of quietness. It feels as if he's been leading us through the mountains and we've been climbing every onward and suddenly find ourselves led to a beautiful valley of abundance and I am excited for this period of growth and renewal.

And while I recognize that this place of quiet is about to be interrupted with the cries of a newborn at all hours, I am praying and hoping that even in the midst of physical exhaustion, God's peace will transcend.

Savannah

Back in May, we decided to take advantage of a free weekend and a free hotel deal and scamper off to Savannah for a long weekend. It was absolutely delightful and definitely one of my favorite adventures of the year so far.

We stayed in historic downtown, which consists of century-old buildings that are riddled with intrigue and stories of love and war, and narrow streets shadowed by trees dripping in moss. The cobbled streets create a maze of square after square of delicious gardens, inviting you to take a moment and relish life, connect with others orsimply slow down.

There are stunning parks inviting you to play, exquisitely manicured landscaping surrounding delightful old mansions and all of this is within blocks of the water where rows of shops and restaurants offer treats such as fresh salt water taffy and drinks to go. Built to be a utopia, historic Savannah still offers quite the fairyland of beauty.

We strolled and jogged the streets accompanied by many others doing the same, riding their bikes or walking their dogs. And OH! the dogs! Jennie was quite beside herself with the excitement of "PUPPIES!" everywhere! 

After exploring Savannah to our hearts content, we took a day to go to Tybee Island and introduce Jennie to the ocean. Though a little breezy and cool at times - it was the. perfect. day. I will never forget the joy and delight of that introduction and the sweet memories the three of us forged together.

Savannah and Tybee Island were the perfect weekend adventure!

Catching up...

I've fallen off the blogging wagon a bit, but I'm feeling the motivation to get back on. So we'll see what we can do to catch up on the past few months in a bit of a cliff notes version... 

March 

My sweet husband triumphantly completed the many, grueling months of schooling with a two week intensive in Boston. The many months of school were brutal - on my dear man, myself, our daughter, our family and our marriage. So it was fitting that he gifted me with his graduation and return from Boston on my birthday. We celebrated with a picnic and stroll on the riverwalk.

Of course she'd rather push than ride! :)

April

In a very precious treat, my grandparents decided to make their way across the country, accompanied by my mom, for a visit. We toured the city, visited the historic train museum and depot, went antiquing, played dominoes and explored the park. It was a truly special time which I will treasure forever. My grandmother, especially, enjoyed re-visiting the South - where she lived as a girl.

Four generations!

Also, in April - we got a new neighbor! He's provided plenty of entertainment for Jennie, as well as the other neighborhood kids -

And just because it was one of my favorite moments to capture in the month of April, I give you this - the image of my daughter (who literally NEVER holds still) in a one and only occurrence of unintentionally falling asleep somewhere other than my arms, the car-seat or her bed. Delicious.

May

Summer has arrived! And we have done our best to take full advantage of it - and the time Drew has had, now that school is over. Time that has been especially precious as he has his next phase of work ahead of him - clinical hours. That means we will, yet again, be seeing a bit less of our main man as he works towards logging the necessary hours that will complete his Paramedic training. 

One of the best things about living where we do is taking advantage of the fun there is to be had in the beautiful outdoors. 

We have an incredible park with a wonderful fountain - perfect for playing in!

So many things to do and see...

Mom - did you see the frog?!? Can I kiss it?

The best part of learning to bake...licking that spatula!

Did you know I have a belly button?!? Where has that been hiding?

We even took a weekend adventure trip to Savannah...but we'll save that for later...

One of those Epic Fail Kind of Days

It's been a bad day. The kind of day where you don't want to answer your phone or see anyone because you don't want to be honest with them about just how crappy of a day it's been. It feels whiny and petulant to tell the truth, and completely false to pretend you are anything but angry and frustrated and pissed off at the world. One of those days where you realize you might be being immature, selfish, having a pity-party and most certainly un-Christlike, and yet you just can't seem to shake it. It's the anger, verging on tears kind of day. 

I woke up with a great attitude. I'd planned out my day yesterday, in an attempt to be productive, to establish a routine, to tackle some of those tasks that have been sitting around waiting for my un-motivated self to get to them. And low and behold, as planned, my motivation showed up this morning! (I love it when that happens!) But by the first hour, I was already behind "schedule." Not to be bothered, I adjusted my expectations and schedule of tasks and moved forward. Jennie was fussy. She was clingy. She couldn't be pleased. Sigh. Ok - attend to my child. Guess we can add that one to the "to-do" list for the day and still count it as being productive, right? So I held her. I fed her. And when it came time for nap - I attempted, with everything I knew how, to soothe her and put her to sleep. Yet she refused to go down. 

Ok. Again, adjust the expectations. Shift my schedule. Roll with the punches. Being a mom is about listening to your child, right? Evidently, she wasn't tired. We'll try again later.

We did try again later. We failed.

We tried a third time. Her stubbornness outlasted mine.

By this point it was lunch time. Ok. Scheduled has basically been screwed. Guess we'll feed the girl and try again after lunch. 

We did. We failed again.

At this point I was beginning to loose it. I had a PLAN!! I had MOTIVATION!! I had things TO DO!!! And my CHILD is RUINING everything!! 

That sounds terrible, doesn't it? But let's just be honest here. That's how I've kinda felt today. So dang frustrated. So angry. So discouraged. I feel like a failure. 

She just would not cooperate. Not for me. She cooperates while I'm at work and she's being cared for by someone else, so why is it that I, her mother, cannot get her to adhere to her normal, everyday routine? Especially on the ONE day I actually have the motivation and drive to tackle some things around the house?

Eventually, I just held her while she screamed at me until she fell asleep. And I seethed. And when I finally put her in her crib asleep, I went out to the driveway and ran (up and down, not away). 

She's still asleep. And my anger is abated. But the frustration is still there and the shame of feeling like a failure. The house is now in shambles because those projects I attempted to tackle are now all half done. It looks worse than when I began. The motivation and hopefulness with which I began the day are gone and I'm left with discouragement and just plain feeling overwhelmed with the things left to do. 

And the truth is that it's a beautiful day. While I sit here and write, the seventy-five degree breeze is blowing through the open window. The sun is shining and the sky is blue. The birds are singing and someone down the road is mowing their lawn. Too bad my insides don't match.

I remember when my siblings and I were younger and we'd have those days where we were argumentative, moody, grumpy and just plain "off", my parents would often send us to our room and talk to us about praying to God to help give us a new attitude, a new heart. Then, when we'd had some time alone to pray and calm down, we'd "start over." Fresh. 

Often in those times, I remember singing this as I prayed...

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a right spirit within me.

Create in me a clean heart, O God,

And renew a right spirit within me.

Cast me not away from Thy presence;

Take not Thy holy Spirit from me.

Restore unto me the joy of Thy salvation;

And renew a right spirit within me.

(from Ps. 51)

It seemed foolproof and simple then. Pray. Believe. And God cleanses you from your sin and creates a clean heart and right spirit within you. And He did.

 Evidently today I need the faith of a child. 

Nashville - Take Two

On Saturday, my parents and I headed over to tour Belle Meade, one of the old plantations in Nashville. It was a gorgeous day and perfect to spend outside!

While my folks toured the old plantation house, my rambunctious (aka too loud for the tour) little rascal and I headed outside to play...

Jennie worked on their landscaping for them. The rocks, clearly needed relocating.

Then we took a stroll along the beautiful flowered path.

Just making sure you're coming, Mom!

Then we frollicked in the gorgeous expanse of land stretching out around the old home! 

She was eventually tuckered out enough for a nap...so I was able to enjoy most of my lunch in peace. :)

And of course, she was ready to chill that evening in the hotel with a little R and R (remote and all).

Sunday, we spent walking around the incredible Gaylord Opryland Hotel where my parents were staying for their convention. Let me tell you, if you've never been there, it is QUITE the experience! Mazes of indoor gardens, fountains, shops, restaurants, waterways, bridges, gazebos, even an indoor river with boat rides! It's incredible, but I guarantee you will get lost.

This was the best shot we could get with Little Miss Wiggly. Pictures with a one year old are CHALLENGING!

Sunday night I came back home. But not before quite the adventure. My parents had to go to a dinner with their conference, so Jennie and I had a bite to eat in their room, then decided to hit the road. I thought I'd take a "short cut" to the car....Turn after turn and finally I found myself in in hallways with no exit to the outside, no shops, no restaurants, just conference rooms. Eventually, I ran into a lovely older couple who escorted me back into the public part of the hotel and I managed to find my way out. We got to the car an HOUR after leaving my folks room. An HOUR! Lost inside a hotel! Now that is amazing. 

It really was a great, albeit exhausting weekend, and a wonderful way to spend our first weekend without Drew in town.