Date Night

Drew and I finally had the opportunity to go out on a child-less date on Friday night. We haven't had the time to do many of those lately and it was high time we made some space to be alone together. With his busy schedule of work and school and attempting to balance my schedule of work and motherhood, the reality is that we are more often simply living life together - tag-teaming throughout the week, with little time to connect as a couple.

I've been keeping my eye out for Groupon, Restaurant.com or Living Social deals and have begun to acquire a few coupons for date nights. Not only does it give us a discount, which hey - I kinda love, but it encourages us to try different restaurants when we do make it out! Friday, it was Terra Nostra - a wine and tapas place downtown. 

It has a fun and energetic vibe and was filled with couples, but it was still quiet enough to be able to relax and converse. We took our time and lingered over cocktails, shared an assortment of five different tapas plates, and finally coffee and dessert. The food was incredible! Beef cheeks, salmon, shrimp, and a surprisingly delicious pear and walnut quesadilla (who knew?!?). 

Knowing Jennie was at home, fast asleep and that we had the entire evening at our disposal, we were finally able to unplug from work and parenthood, from responsibilities and all the demands that pull at us through the week and simply enjoy being together. The food was superb, the drinks delectable, but the conversation and time to connect? Simply sublime. 

It was a reminder to both of us why we need to do date night more often. To remember the joy of driving around holding hands, trying new things together, savoring each moment and creating memories. Friday night, I got to know my husband a little bit better, I remembered all the reasons why I adore him and I fell a little bit deeper in love. 

New goal? We decided to aim for a date-night out every other week. We'll see how this goes!

It was a delightful and refreshing evening and left us both a little more ready to move forward, tackling life together.

(Sorry about the poor pictures - I forgot my camera and had to resort to shooting these with Drew's phone. Not the most flattering, but you get the idea.) 

Those Sweet Moments

Yesterday was a bit of a drag. It was my day off, but my dear husband was on shift, so it was just the little one and I at home. It was exceedingly dreary - overcast, rainy and cold all day long, squelching my dreams of taking the girl for a jog. You could say my parade was rained on. We only had one brief moment of sunshine and man, was it glorious! I basked in it through the window like a lizard, soaking in it's light and warmth desperately. It soon passed and the rain returned. But it was a sweet moment.

The day was one of what I would consider my unsuccessful ones. The ones where I combat my doldrums, laziness and seeming inability to accomplish anything of substance and also fail to be intentional, create memories or do something fun with my daughter. Either productivity or intentionality would be better than the guilt-inducing, paralyzing blah-ness that seems to take over my life on a lot of my days. In the past, I would have let the regret of yesterday weigh over me and taken it's dreariness with me into my tomorrows, but I really don't want that to be my continual pattern. The truth is that every day, whether we use it well or fall short, is the day that the Lord has made and we should rejoice in it!

So, in keeping with my recent goal (or resolution, shall we say? :)) to celebrate the magic and the mundane and to live in the present, instead of focusing on what did not get done or how I failed, I want to think about the sweet moments.

Just yesterday...

• The sunbeam through the window.
• Jennie falling asleep on my chest as we lay together.
• Wrestling with my sweet girl and hearing her giggle as I tickled her.
• Watching her laugh as I popped out to startle her from behind the doorways. 
• Having her bring me a book, turn around and back up to sit in my lap and read it to her.
• The sweet kisses she kept leaning in to give me.
• Watching her swing some pretty sweet dance moves, complete with rapidly stomping feet and waving arms. 

And recently...

• Last weekend's party, sipping wine and laughing with women from my church.
• Sitting up together with Drew until 12am as he took a test online, taking joy in being able to support him as he pursues his dream.
• Getting Jennie out of bed this morning all fuzzy headed and smiling after sleeping until 7:30!! (Normal wake up time generally ranges from 4:30-6am).
• The coffee and quiet communing Drew and I were able to have this morning due to said late wake-up!
• A brief car ride (just the two of us) to connect with my Dad who was in town ever-so-briefly.
• A phone call from a friend I rarely speak to going out of their way to check on me and encourage me.
• Correspondence from another friend, providing the vehicle for deeper conversation than we've had in a while.

And soon to come...

• Tomorrow night - a much needed and highly anticipated date night! Perhaps we should take some inspiration from some friends, who to have some of the most fun and creative dates.  I'll let you know how it goes.
• Saturday - meeting up with not one, but two girl friends to catch up!
• Sunday - first time at church in several weeks! I cannot wait for some much needed fellowship and spiritual feeding.

My great-grandmother and my daughter's namesake claimed Psalm 118:24 as her life verse. Perhaps I can learn from her legacy and begin to live the way she did, treasuring each day and the sweet moments they contain.

"This is the day that the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it." Ps. 118:24

Jennie

Last New Year's Eve, I rang in the new year blessedly passed out for a few precious minutes, catching some desperately needed winks between feedings of my then four-day-old daughter. Unfortunately, I was not the picture of maternal peace and bliss you see in hallmark cards. I was a hormonal, exhausted, insomniatic, emotional, stressed mess. I wasn't sure I was going to be able to handle motherhood. Wasn't sure I was ever going to enjoy the process or enjoy the precious little bundle I held in my arms. I couldn't recognize this little person as the same one who I had so tenderly and joyously carried in my womb for so many months (yes - I am one of those crazy people who LOVES being pregnant). I was scared I was never going to like motherhood, scared she wasn't eating enough, scared to give her a pacifier (terrified of nipple confusion!), scared not to give her the pacifier (oh! the endless crying and nursing!), scared she would stop breathing when she slept, scared it wasn't going to get any easier and scared I was never going to sleep again.

Eventually, three weeks in - to be exact, God met me in my desperation. It was my first night home alone as my husband had returned to work (he works 24 hr. shifts as an EMT) and my mother had returned home to the West. In the middle of the night, as I held my tiny girl and poured out my heart to God, He showed up. Oh, He was there all along, but in that moment, He appeared in a way I could feel and know and see. Suddenly the angst, terror and desperation dissolved in the face of His reassurance that He was there and it was all going to be ok. Peace descended and faith sprung root in my heart and from that moment on it really has been ok. Better than ok, it has been a joy so indescribable and so much more than I ever could have hoped for or imagined. The insomnia did not abate. The showers of vomit did not lessen. The middle of the night awakenings continued to test my morality and sanity, but in the midst of it all, there was joy. And blessing beyond what I ever could have imagined.

Because when she smiles, the sleepless nights no longer matter. When she laughs, I become an addict that would kill, cheat or steal for the next hit of those giggles. When she lays her head on my chest, I cannot imagine how I could love anyone more. And when she snuggles to sleep at my breast, my heart overflows with gratitude, humbled that our Father would bless me so greatly...and I wonder that He should love me the same way I love her.

When we were pregnant, I was told to treasure the moments after she was born because they fly by all too quickly. Our sweet girl is already 1 year old. It's hard to believe she's so grown up. Walking and even running. Jabbering and expressing her opinions quite readily. She totters around, brings us books to read, giving us "loves" and kisses. It has gone way to fast. I knew it would. But what I did not know, was just how incredibly blessed I would be by each day I've spent with this incredible little girl. Thank you Lord for giving us Jennie.

The Birthday Celebration

Helping Daddy make the cupcakes for the party

The Decor...

We did give her a real cupcake - I promise.

She looks pretty pleased with the results.

Happy Birthday Jennie

Celebrating Mornings

It's early. Before 6 am. And I am up...well rested and at peace with the world. It's still and quiet in the house and my heart. Exhausted last night, as soon as I had the little one tucked in to bed, I followed suit. Lights out by 7:30! Only in my life as a parent would I imagine going to bed so early. But it was delicious!

I am a morning person, there is no doubt about it. In all my schooling years, I would go to bed and get up at 2 or 3 or 4am to finish whatever project or paper I had awaiting me. And today, I still feel my freshest, most hopeful, cheerful, determined, most productive and able to think in the wee hours of the morning. Too bad it fades as the sun comes up.

It's the beginning of a new week, but I'm going into this one feeling quite victorious. On Saturday, I finished ALL the Christmas shopping! My goal this year was to have it done before Thanksgiving so I could enjoy the holidays with less stress...you see how well that went! Ha!
Oh well. What's important is that I'm done! Done! Done, done, done!

And although I actually didn't shop at Target this year, I totally feel like the girl dancing with the shopping bags. I feel rather giddy, in fact. Which goes to show me just how much getting that done was weighing on me and why I really should get it done earlier. Next year.

Well, the little one is up. Just like her mama, she is also a morning person. She greets me with the biggest smiles and playful jabbering in the morning. I love it! What a way to start the week!

"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

Psalm 118:24

Goals

I've been waiting all week to have something profound and brilliant come to me so I could write the perfect second blog entry. After starting last week, I suddenly felt a tremendous amount of pressure to be clever, witty and at the same time have great insight. Ridiculous, I know. This tendency towards being kept from action by the looming giant of perfectionism is nothing new to me...and part of what I am actually trying to overcome with my blogging experiment. So many goals...

I've been thinking a lot about goals lately. This week I had a giant list of them and my to-dos written in dry-erase marker on my bathroom mirror. I find great satisfaction in marking things off my lists. In fact, if something wasn't already on the list, I would add it when I'd finished it, just for the joy of seeing an accomplishment up there. Now, let's be honest, they weren't big things. But big things aren't really on my agenda in life right now. Getting the laundry done and keeping food in the house are about my speed. Oh - I have lofty ideals, but I find that the with those ideals comes a tremendous amount of guilt and regret.

Blogging , or porn for women, as my pastor calls it, carries with it the temptation for me to start drowning in a sea of comparisons.
This woman is more clever than I am.
That woman has more fun - she seizes the day!
This one is a better homemaker, that one a better crafter, this one has such a better sense of style.
Her house is so much better than mine.
She's a better mom.
They have a more adventurous marriage.
She's more
    beautiful
        talented
            intelligent
                witty
                    fun
                        organized
                            disciplined...
And the list goes on...and on...

But this week, a friend directed me to the wisdom of another woman. A woman I don't know, but who's reminder to learn to rest and live in grace was exactly what I needed this week.

One version of Psalm 46:10 says:

"Cease striving and know that I am God"

I know that I am not going to stop setting goals for myself. Nor do I think I need to. But I do need to learn contentment and rest. And especially grace.

So as an exercise in grace, I am going to post this now. Imperfect. Unfinished. And exactly how I'm feeling. And as I head out the door to church this morning, my prayer is the God will meet me in the grace I so desperately need.

It's a Marshmallow World in the Winter

A dear friend of mine decided to start blogging as a means of recording life and being intentional about enjoying the days and seasons she is currently in. Part of me was inspired. The larger part of me was disgusted. "Ugh! She does such a good job of living!" And the guilt rolled in as I told myself I needed to learn to do the same.

If I'm being honest with myself, these last months have mostly been a busy blur of simply surviving. Instead of seizing life, I've recently realized that I generally live in the suburbs of Pastville - a town populated by guilt and regret or Futuretown - a place where scheming and planning call home. And I'm pretty sure that isn't how I've been created to live.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Fireflies are perhaps one of the most magical of all of God's creation. I never saw them growing up in the west and I will never forget the first time I experienced their wonder as a colleged-aged woman. Suddenly I was transported into the fairytales of childhood, merriment and awe. It was magical. And even still, every summer when they appear, I am transformed into a giddy, wondering child who believes her Father and His goodness with the unwavering faith of a child.

And as the mother of an (ALMOST!) one year old, laundry is an abounding reality of my life. I'm pretty sure I have been doused in vomit at least once or twice a week for the past year. In fact, this morning by 6am, my bed, myself and my daughter were all showered in it. Laundry is copious. But I can assure you that as I stripped the bed in the wee hours of the morning, I was not celebrating...

But while fireflies may be enchanting and laundry may not be, the truth is that I want to learn how to celebrate and live life abundantly whether it's in the magical or the mundane. 

It is the season of advent - a time for preparation, celebration, and hope. It is a time of joyfulness and wonder. A time to suspend our grown-up reasoning and mature worrying and renew our innocent hope in a Savior who put on flesh to meet us in our humanity. Christmastime, like fireflies, hold the magical ability to transport us back to that place of childlike faith, joyful abandon and fun. What better time of year to start learning to live and to enjoy the present? After all, it is a marshmallow world in the winter...