Hello again!

It's been a while. A long while. And considering my current status of life, it may continue to be a long while between posts, but we shall see...

December 2012

I'm 38 weeks and 3 days pregnant with our second daughter, or "Baby Sister" as she has affectionately been termed, and write this post with the computer balanced on my burgeoning belly. I'm officially on maternity leave and in full nesting mode around here...or at least as close to full nesting mode as someone like me (one with little-to-no natural homemaking drives or abilities) can get. Jennie is now 2 years old, as of the end of December and is still a complete delight. She's talking up a storm, still completely full of energy, joy, silliness and zeal. She embodies an abundant life. And there is so much I want to learn from her.

My sweet man has successfully completed his Paramedic training and hours and has scheduled to take his final exams in the next couple of weeks to complete his certification as a fully licensed
Paramedic. It's been a huge relief to have him transition from balancing two jobs and full time school down to simply managing two jobs. I am so proud of all the hard work he's put in and so excited for him to finally be able to officially have this accomplished - a goal that has been years in the dreaming and many months in the making.

Right now, life is really good. As Drew and I sat down together at the beginning of the year to discuss the past and look forward to what 2013 might bring, we realized that this year may be the first year in our marriage that we won't be in the middle of major external transitions. Until now, one or both of us has constantly been in school, making a major business venture or a significant career transition, working several jobs, or all of the above simultaneously. Suddenly we find ourselves in a place of seeming stability. As far as we can tell, our careers have stabilized, finances have reached a place of manageability and we find ourselves reaping the results of the building we've been putting in to the last few years. Granted - we cannot predict the future and we are about to make the major life transition of going from a family of 3 to 4, but for us right now it feels like things have finally leveled out. And we are so grateful. God's faithfulness currently shows itself abundantly around us in very tangible ways. Rather than something we have to wait for or trust in, right now - it's physically evident. And that's pretty amazing.

The cynical side of me is waiting for the other shoe to drop. Things can't really be reaching a place of manageability in our lives, right? Surely some crisis is right around the corner. Who is going to get sick? Will something be wrong with the baby? What is going to go wrong with our careers? Is some major financial blow about to fall? Several of our recent sermons have discussed suffering and I cannot help but feel some level of guilt as I look at the life around me and see how blessed we are. Our cup is full. In fact, it runs over. And while most of me is genuinely grateful and resting in the quiet place of recovery, growth and renewal that God has brought us to, there is a small part of me that is hesitant to trust the still waters and is anxiously watching the blue skies to see what clouds might be building on the horizon.

But that side of me is less than it used to be. I am continuing to pray that God would mature my faith beyond that of a distrustful servant to that of a daughter who rests securely in her Father's care. And the truth is, as we finally have some room to breathe, I'm finding my soul is thirsty. I'm finally able to recognize the dryness that has crept into my heart over these last months and years of "enduring" and I'm finding myself suddenly longing to connect with God and others in ways that I haven't for years. The thirst in and of itself is refreshing. I find myself feeling a renewed hope and excitement to see what God will do in this place of quietness. It feels as if he's been leading us through the mountains and we've been climbing every onward and suddenly find ourselves led to a beautiful valley of abundance and I am excited for this period of growth and renewal.

And while I recognize that this place of quiet is about to be interrupted with the cries of a newborn at all hours, I am praying and hoping that even in the midst of physical exhaustion, God's peace will transcend.